Parking lights - The most stupid invention ever.

What 'tard came up with the concept of parking lights?

"Oh, I'm going to leave my vehicle with the engine off. I think I'll leave the lights switched on so everyone can see it. Doesn't matter that the battery might get drained."

I've had parking lights on all of my bikes and several of my cars. And I've NEVER (intentionally) used them.

I rode the VFR to work yesterday. The GF wanted me to make sure everything was OK on it before she started riding it.

Nice bike, handles well... although it's been neutered by having it's power restricted.

The problem is that when you lock the handlebars, the gap between 'locked' and 'parking lights' is minuscule.

Hence I ended up leaving all of the lights on all day.

5:30pm I come out of work, sit on the bike and press the start button... nothing.

I managed to push start it, but there was only enough power being generated to make it tick over (rather badly). The battery wasn't charging and there wasn't enough electricity to rev the engine. Hence it was kind of stuck in limbo.

I ended up pushing it to the entrance to the industrial estate and calling the breakdown service (They start with R, have a letter in the middle and end in C)

Whilst waiting for them, I have to watch various staff members driving by grinning (gits!). Although a couple did stop, and one of them pulled over and tried to jump start the bike from his car (nearly worked too).

Anyway, the breakdown guy arrived (I can't sing their praises highly enough). Messed with the bike for a couple of minutes and had it all running. Top stuff.

Huge throbbing red... err.. bikes.

The girlfriend's bike is ready for pick up from the garage.

Honda VFR400 NC24 Red (look on Google image search)

We bought it a year or so ago. It had some crash damage.

Bit by bit, it's had a new chain & sprockets, new brake discs, fork seals changed, new pegs, new levers, new exhaust (well, we've got one, we just haven't fitted it yet), new fuel tank, fuel taps, and a whole load of new fairing bits (nicely resprayed in red)

The garage have just MOT'd it and restricted the power... Although the guy did say, 'At first we all thought it was a pile of sh&^... but now we've all been out for a ride on it, it's a really nice bike.'

I suppose the fact that we gave them the bike without the fairing (no sense in paying a mechanic to remove and replace the plastics) would have made it pretty ugly looking. Kind of all skeletal.

I must admit though, I'm a little aprehensive about the GF going out on the thing. Not that I doubt her riding ability... it's just that there are so many morons on the road.

Her last bike was wiped out by some quimbecile changing lanes without looking or indicating. Wrote off the bike (a little NS125) and trashed her jacket, trousers and helmet. Her bruising wasn't pretty either... but at least she was ok.

On the plus side though, the insurance should be through soon, so she'll be able to pay off the debts from buying new kit. And I get to see her in lots of leather, which is always a bonus.

Anyway, I'll be picking the bike up for her tomorrow afternoon. At least I get to have a go first! :)

Road Rage ... Grrr

I had an experience last Sunday that scared the crap out of me.

On Sunday afternoon, I had borrowed the girlfriend's car to go round a friends house. I'd just reached the end of our road (crossroads junction) and was indicating left. Some guy in a big silver car was opposite and from the looks of his indicators he was going straight on.

So I start to turn left... and so does he (well... his right, my left). I slam on the brakes and make some kind of rushed generic gesture to convey that I think he's a prat.

After he sods off, I finally get to turn left only to find myself driving directly behind this moron. He's doing about 15 mph and making funny faces at me in the mirror.

Suddenly he slams on the brakes and I'm forced to do the same (ABS is god!)

The next thing I know, the missing link is standing at my window hurling a tirade of abuse and profanity in full on Road Rage mode.

It may be my minds eye just inflating his image, but I swear that he had forearms like Popeye and scuff marks on his knuckles. Bald... dark glasses. No neck and a barrel chest. Just imagine one of those Neanderthal bouncers who stand around outside pubs looking not too bright...

In fact, I got a particularly close look at his forearms as he was using them to reach through the window (not literally... the window was open) and manhandle my head.

He swore a whole lot more and then got back in his car and sodded off.

All the while through this I could hear his woman screaming hysterically in the car (presumably saying, "No Dave! Remember you're on parole!")

To be honest, I was so shocked that I didn't think to get his registration.

The worst part of this is that an event of this nature will play over and over in your mind for days afterwards. What if I'd picked up my mobile and photographed him? What if I'd backed the car away? Would things have been different if I were driving the Landy or riding the bike? Should I have bitten a chunk out of his forearm whilst it was clamped over my face!?

Maybe I shouldn't have sworn at him for not using his indicators. To be honest, this is a subject that really touches a nerve with me as I ride a bike (if you ride a bike, you get used to car users driving by zen navigation.)

In fact, I had one of those experiences on the way in to work this morning. I was on my bike.

There I was, just turning onto the Industrial Estate where SpudCorp is situated. I noticed a small van (one of those Escort estate vans) belonging to one of the electricity companies. He was parked in the familiar position of 10 metres from the mouth of the road, just in front of the big sign that says which company is in which unit. This is a particularly annoying place to stop as cars coming round the corner usually have to think quickly to avoid the 'parked' car.

At this point, I'd just like to reiterate that he's parked. At the side of the road. Not moving.

So I go to move around his car... which starts moving off.

I immediately drop in behind him (perhaps cursing slightly, but that's between me and my visor)

He then slows right down, forcing me to move to the right (in a position that would carry me past him... probably gesticulating wildly)...

Unfortunately, his sudden change in forward velocity was a prelude to pulling a really sharp u-turn... through the position my bike is currently occupying.

Brakes were slung on, wheels lock (bikes don't have ABS... meh!) and I manage to skid around his car and end up stopped about 2 metres in front... rather shaken (but not stirred!)

The guy must have nearly shat himself when my side stand went down... I found myself standing at his window pointing at his indicator switch....

"LOOK! INDICATORS! BLOODY USE THEM! I'M SICK OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU PULLING OUT IN FRONT OF ME!"

Considering that I'd nearly just been knocked off my bike, I remained remarkably calm. I can honestly say I wasn't feeling violent, just frustrated. I was quite please with myself afterwards... despite nearly having my bike spread across the road, I'd stayed calm and had even managed to avoid swearing (well... "Bloody"... but that's a whole lot better than "YOU CHILD F&*^%$G C$%K LICKING C$*T BUBBLE!")

Now I know there are 'certain' similarities between the events of this morning, and the encounter with 'Clyde' last Sunday. But I'd like to point out that I wasn't losing my temper!

I suppose the fault of this morning's incident ultimately lies with me. I forgot the number one law of riding a motorcycle - If another driver is in the position to try to kill you, then they'll almost certainly take the opportunity.

Ok. Time for a rant.

The general manager of my company (which from this point on I'll refer to as SpudCorp - it's an amusing name, and there is no way I'm mentioning the real name on here) is a worthless hypocriful bureaucratic and diminutive scumbag.

He took over SpudCorp HQ last year after the old manager retired. So far he's been about as popular as a virulent case of the clap.

Since he's arrived, he's brought in about a dozen new managers (bearing in mind this now means we technically have more management than permanent staff). I'm not sure how his recruitment process works... but I'm sure that 'social ineptitude' and 'no concept of how Spuds are sold' are some kind or prerequisites.

He's also made lots of sweeping judgements about the company and how things work. Made loads of promises to the customers... (without consulting the staff who know what the hell is going on)... and of course, it's all our fault when these wonderful plans don't come to fruition.

"Yes, we shall have an external company completely rewrite the online Spud selling system!"

I honestly believe that he thought it would only cost a few thousand pounds. Most of us here baulked at the idea... and so did he when he found out the six figure sum the external developers were asking.

Any benefits that the staff used to get are now gone. No Christmas bonus (it was only about £10-£50 a head). Dress down days only happen once a month now in a hope that people will forget about them.

It's blatantly obvious that he wants to get rid of all the 'old school' staff members. Either making their jobs so awkward and unpleasant that they just leave, or simply making them redundant, or are quietly shuffled out the door (after signing a contract stating that they won't talk to anyone about anything) New staff are hired in using the same retarded recruitment protocol as they used on the plethora of management.

He then pisses loads of money away on completely useless crap. A whole room of 'overflow' computers to handle the massive amount of orders we'll get (the room has been empty since it was set up)

Redecorate the building? Actually not a bad idea. However, getting his mates in to do the work in an effort to save money (not without it's backhanders I'm sure) was really stupid. The quality of the work is abysmal (they blew out the fuses at one point by slicing wires). Door frames and windows that look like they were designed by MC Escher.

How about a nice training course over in the Far East? He's just got back from a week of learning Chinese 'leadership' skills. Because, the Chinese work ethic is soooo likely to apply over here. But it's OK... it's all paid for by SpudCorp.

If any of the normal staff go on any kind of training, they're forced to sign a form saying that they'll pay back the cost of the course if they leave the company within a certain time.

New car? Yep. He just got a new sports car. - This is despite having a go at one of the directors for turning up in a new car just after a round of layoffs.

The man makes me feel physically sick to be around.

The worst part of the whole thing is that I have to be pleasant to the worthless maggot.

I look forward to the day where either I leave or he leaves... because it means I can finally tell him exactly what I think of him without losing my job.